Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize