You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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