so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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