mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Randomize
