I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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