we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
