i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
