why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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