There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
