Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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