I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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