I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
