ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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