we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
