When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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