Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
