he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
