i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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