I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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