I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
