peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize