I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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