I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Randomize
