you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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