Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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