i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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