We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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