I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
