i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
