pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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