I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
