I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
