I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
