Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
