the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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