My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
