loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
