I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
