So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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