I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
