I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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