I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
