so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
