woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
