You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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