piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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