I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
