walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
