ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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