Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
