Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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