dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
