A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
