how can u be prego again
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What a dumb baby whore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
