he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
