Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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