Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
