so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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