i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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