I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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