Got a toothbrush?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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