they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
