If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
