so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
