She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
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I can't put those talents on a resume
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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