the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
