i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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