I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
