pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
