we have officially lost it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
