On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
