I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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