He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
