It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
