Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
