apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
