a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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