either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
