no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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