I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
